@SonOfCha

You know who DOES see something wrong with a little bump n’ grind?

Trevor in human resources.

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@david8hughes

[in church]
“And Jesus, our saviour, died on the cross for your sins.”
[vicar points directly at me & entire congregation collectively nods]

@noog

Middle finger in the air, if you don’t really care. It’s like that sometimes man, ridiculous. Life can be sometimes ridiculous.

@Marcmywords2

Favstar is like that uncle we all
have, he never works, but comes
around every few months asking
for money.

@DrakeGatsby

Doing couples therapy by myself to try and get double the help

@DurtMcHurtt

The crack of dawn is probably just as good as the crack you get at midnight.

@ObscureGent

Make your day better by imagining people you don’t like floating helplessly into the sun.

@Home_Halfway

“How much for this melted ghost?”
Sir that’s a bed sheet
“You have a lot of them! And they’re packaged? IS THIS GHOST HELL”
This is a Macys