@grHoss

You know who inspires me? The 0.01% germ nobody can kill.

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@ManJuggs

I wanna party with whoever decided to ditch their shitstreaked underwear in the bushes at the McDonald’s drive thru.

@brettryland

Redheaded guys know they can just dye their hair, right? They don’t have to live like that.

@ilovepie84

A Cobra wanted to fight me but I challenged him to a thumb war and he slitthered away embarrassed.

@DjKC_117

I’m sorry, we can’t hire you. But your background check was hilarious.

@DothTheDoth

Be the reason why the lights flicker & the temperature drops when you enter a room.

@Beerhaze

I have never cried at the movies as much as I did after Les Misérables when my wife said I couldn’t have fried chicken for the drive home.