I wanna party with whoever decided to ditch their shitstreaked underwear in the bushes at the McDonald’s drive thru.
You know who inspires me? The 0.01% germ nobody can kill.
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Batman is awfully lazy when it comes to naming all of his shit.
Redheaded guys know they can just dye their hair, right? They don’t have to live like that.
A Cobra wanted to fight me but I challenged him to a thumb war and he slitthered away embarrassed.
stopped to pee at a McDonner’s
I’m sorry, we can’t hire you. But your background check was hilarious.
Be the reason why the lights flicker & the temperature drops when you enter a room.
I have never cried at the movies as much as I did after Les Misérables when my wife said I couldn’t have fried chicken for the drive home.
Watching JAWS and really identifying with the shark
Some days you’re just really stupid. 365 to be exact.