Awwwwww he is confused! ❤️🤣🤣
You say jump I say how high. You say run I say how fast. You say lets hang out I say no.
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“Can’t wait to see you this summer” they said
“I’m gonna miss you so much” they said
“Stop quoting me” they said
Instead of a condom i keep a moist towelette in my wallet because i run into buffalo wings alot more often than sex
HER: I love babies.
ME *to waiter*: She’ll have the veal.
Haters gonna hate. And hater stabbers gonna hater stab.
“I have a cure for your burning bush.” — Moses hitting on the ladies
*books 90 minute massage*
Me: DON’T TOUCH ME. I’m only here for the nap.
Welcome to Mixed Metaphor Day: it ain’t rocket surgery guys
I like my women how I like my microwaved food.
Hot as hell on the outside and cold as ice on the inside.
Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex’s hometown, buy her a puppy.