You shouldn’t sneak up on me like that, it’s rude!

Cop –

So ! Technically it’s YOUR fault I was speeding, because I didn’t see you

You Might Also Like


So what do you do for a living?

“I’m in the Secret Service”

Wow, you didn’t keep that secret too well did you


STOP WHINING KIDS! If mommy wants to listen to a bunch of people whining for no reason, she’ll log into twitter.


why do we call them railroad tracks and not training lines


[band comes out for encore] DO YOU WANNA HEAR ONE MORE


For your final meal request to eat the electric chair and then the warden will be like well now what do we do he ate our electric chair


*remembers company is coming*
*checks all the garbage cans, switching out Walmart bags for real trash bags like some sort of rich person*


#FF @funTweeters. They’re the crazies, I tell ya! #humor