
Waitress: Can I take this out of the way for you?
Me: [glances at wife] uh…sure
Wife: SHE MEANS THE PLATE, IDIOT
Waitress: Can I take this out of the way for you?
Me: [glances at wife] uh…sure
Wife: SHE MEANS THE PLATE, IDIOT
Leo: Your natural selfishness will play to your advantage today when you spot a donut in the hands of a child you could easily overpower.
HOT SINGLE GRANNIES IN YOUR AREA WANT YOU TO LOOK AT HOW TALL YOU’VE GOTTEN
Wish all of my viruses were this polite
[placing hand on my boss’s casket] who can’t think outside the box now
The Lost & Found Desk at the casino was no help whatsoever in locating my $762.
We like the way Dwight thinks
*Runs into bank with gun*
Alright! Everyone put your hands up!
*Tickles everyone*
I’m working on my second million, since I failed so much at the first.
My daughter is worse than a twitter newbie..
She manually Retweets everything I say…
To my wife!