everybody has a drawer in their home that contains both garbage and the most important documents a human can have
You’re not an Asshole. That’s too much credit for you. You’re an Asshalf.
You Might Also Like
If I were a rapper I’d write a lyric like “Get money, make cupcakes. Must be winter ‘cuz I be frosting,” and my pseudonym would be One-Zee.
Coach: Sorry, you didn’t make the team this year, pal.
Me: Oh, who got the last spot?
Me: Why is that golden retriever over there shooting free throws?
I’m really disappointed in Shaq for not having his own tequila called Shaquila.
A good way to make friends is to crawl under the bathroom stall quickly before they can get away
Me: Ping me when you are free.
Girl:Ok. *Starts working in 2 Shifts*
the first rule of micromanager club is…here, i’ll just show u
Coffee is cheaper than bail
Starbucks – You sure about that?
I’m not saying motorcycles are dangerous, but the motorcycle section on Craigslist also has a lot of electric wheelchairs for sale.
Fog is like lingerie for the sky.