You’re ugly for a reason: God is challenging you to get girls on hard mode. #motivationalmike
You Might Also Like
My son played a song in the car and I actually liked it. Hell has frozen over.
ME: I had salmon for lunch
WIFE: the L is silent, idiot
ME: haha I knew that, I meant unch
[first day as Uber driver]
ME: Are you Keith?
Ronald McDonald statue sitting on a bench:
Mice were invented in 1867 to help control the cheese population.
Personal trainer: So what’s your goal?
Me: I wanna look good in pictures that I’m not the one taking
Human *builds first house*
House fly: finally
Just accidentally spilled my cat’s food all over the floor and his reaction was…. a lot 😂
ME: this hotel is infested with squirrels!
GUY: get out of my son’s tree house
ME: fine, but I’m keeping the squirrels
A girl who’s literally called ‘Beauty’ walks around town singing about how stupid everyone else is. It’s a mystery why Belle had no friends.
SOLDIER: Yankee Oscar Uniform Romeo Foxtrot Lima Yankee India Sierra Delta Oscar Whiskey November
CAPTAIN: Lima Oscar Lima!