Anyone know how to get a drunk 52 year old dude stuck in a kids booster seat out?
In other news I’m also not allowed at this Applebee’s anymore.
I just got an email saying ‘At Google earth we can read maps backwards!’
I thought, “That’s just spam.”
I finally got rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying.
I’m ex-static!
#DadJoke
i’m sorry that i bit you, i was trying to flirt
whenever i hold a baby i say “god i want a baby. i just wish i knew where they come from” & it kills every time
“now i’ve seen everything” no you haven’t. have you seen a frog drive a submarine? shut up
If I was Snow White you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something
me: dating is hard
me on a date: future archaeologist will dig up disney world and assume it’s a temple of mouse worship
If you’re having a bad day I just want you to know I asked the paint guy at the counter for a gallon of “Menstrual Rose” when it was actually “Minstrel Rose” …so ya
