@lynyrdsbackyard

You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.

@lynyrdsbackyard

Mistakenly punched premium at the gas pump today and now I have to sell one of my kids to the circus.

@lynyrdsbackyard

I just told my wife it took her longer to pick a Netflix movie than it took me to pick out her engagement ring and that was a bad analogy.