I’m trying to become a vegetarian so from now I’m only eating seafood.
Like lobster, prawns and drowned cows.
I swear, even my ex lasted longer than my phone battery does.
Pro tip for picking up girls – keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
Of course I’m gonna miss my husband when he goes away for the weekend in 45 hours 23 minutes and….*checks watch*….27 seconds