i hate it when im tryna spell a word and autocorrect can’t either


I just saw a poster that said “have you seen this man?” With a number to call… So I called the number and told them “No.”


Out of the blue, HR forced us all to review our workplace sexual harassment training.

The office holiday party is next week.



If Godzilla invades your town and starts stomping down buildings, the best course of action would probably be to lead him to the Lego store


me: I invited colin for dinner tomorrow

her: is that the guy that always gets the day wrong?

*knock at the door*

me: yes


me: my christmas gift to you, dear children, is teaching you the magic of giving

my kids: are ALL the presents for you

me: yes, but they’re FROM you and I LOVE them