@sheluvhec

i hate it when im tryna spell a word and autocorrect can’t either

@

I just saw a poster that said “have you seen this man?” With a number to call… So I called the number and told them “No.”

@UnFitz

Out of the blue, HR forced us all to review our workplace sexual harassment training.

The office holiday party is next week.

Coincidence?

@ln0217

If Godzilla invades your town and starts stomping down buildings, the best course of action would probably be to lead him to the Lego store

@mrjohndarby

me: I invited colin for dinner tomorrow

her: is that the guy that always gets the day wrong?

*knock at the door*

me: yes

@riot4rach

me: my christmas gift to you, dear children, is teaching you the magic of giving

my kids: are ALL the presents for you

me: yes, but they’re FROM you and I LOVE them