Wookiees don’t smoke, they chewbacca.
i hate it when im tryna spell a word and autocorrect can’t either
I just saw a poster that said “have you seen this man?” With a number to call… So I called the number and told them “No.”
I just signed up for a gym membership and sprained my wrist
“All I want is one nice photo”
The booster protects against what, now?
Out of the blue, HR forced us all to review our workplace sexual harassment training.
The office holiday party is next week.
If Godzilla invades your town and starts stomping down buildings, the best course of action would probably be to lead him to the Lego store
me: I invited colin for dinner tomorrow
her: is that the guy that always gets the day wrong?
*knock at the door*
me: my christmas gift to you, dear children, is teaching you the magic of giving
my kids: are ALL the presents for you
me: yes, but they’re FROM you and I LOVE them