40+ Tweets in Collection
Funniest Tweets of 2022
This collection was supposed to go up around NYE, life happened and I am just getting around to it now.
Maybe if y’all stopped complaining about Mondays and speaking the negativity into existence, your Mondays wouldn’t be so bad
“if you had to pick only one musical group to strand on a desert island, which would be the most appropriate to do that to?”
sorry im late, i photoshoped myself as every member of Slayer
cool knife. it would look even cooler on my bedroom floor
If you are the kind of person who would respond to Panera keeping the music up loud enough to dissuade people from making calls by just shouting over it for an hour on a conference call, I saw you today!
Me when the elevator tries to leave without me
The possibility of there being cake will greatly affect my interest and/or possible involvement.
Remember being young and having your whole life in front of you? Now my back hurts most days and I get unreasonably angry when a car engine is too loud.
The reason I don’t use Uber is any one of you could be a driver.
My teen: How do you not know how to play video games?
Also my teen: So all you have to do is press left, right, up, circle, triangle, square all while holding onto the upper left button.
Person: Are you on the conference call?
Me: *watching dancing animals videos* Like, deep in my heart?
*gets filled with hope*
Hope: *has a leak*
i hope my email finds you on fire
I would actually consider watching The Bachelor if one of the girls was a Praying Mantis.
mousepads sound like groovy places for hip mice
Boss: Why were you tardy this morning?
Me: I don’t think we’re supposed to call people that any more.
I have no passwords left in me
not sure why we don’t use this thing more often
Professor: There’s no such thing as stupid questions
Me: *clears throat