@Shade510 Suddenly all I own are skinny jeans.
@Pork_Chop_Hair 9, playing an iPad game: Weird… I accidentally did something and my character became fat.
Me: Same.
@CArmanthegirl Captain Crunch is basically an exfoliator for your mouth
@urbangaygriot “I hope this email finds you well”
The email finding me
@WilliamAder Found a pic in a box buried deep in the closet of me sitting on Santa’s knee. Hard to believe that was two whole years ago!
@hunbothered Listening to my mom tell a story is akin to a verbal version of Russian nesting dolls.
@StyloDad When I’m old enough, my kids better not leave me alone with a box of Crayolas and anything upholstered
@_wendyb07 Just won a sausage biscuit at this basketball game. Never give up on your dreams.
@skittle624 I just want to be as happy as the couple described in the first five minutes of any Dateline episode.
@SimpsonsQOTD “You’d better run, egg!”