@thega1nz

When she checks her bank statement and go “what are these PlayStation Network charges”

@sexbreakfast365

*First day as a police officer*

Me: Sir, your son’s been either incarcerated or incinerated… *flips pad* Does that look like an A to you?

@ddsmidt

My husband: *Takes a deep breath and exhales*

Me: What’s THAT supposed to mean??!

@mrandrewm

Proud to announce I’ve made Forbes’ “7 Billion under 7 Billion” this year

@mahnamematt

Wife to 4yo: How did you get your shirt so dirty?!

4yo: Because lunch.

@smiles_and_nods

Husband: Don’t tell me they forgot my fries again! How does that keep happening?

Me (swallowing quickly ): Weird, right?

@whatevegoeshere

“Mmm, tastes just like chicken!”

-My 6 year old eating a piece of chicken

@JenMsft

“Did you get that thing done I asked you for?”