@TrueTorontoGirl If he has cleaning supplies but has a dirty house, he’s a murderer.
@TrueTorontoGirl 
@Marlebean If the characters can come alive in Toy Story, then why can’t my dishwasher play cleanup while I’m gone.
@VikingJonesy I’m at the age where I look good “for my age”
@ohgeorgeishere I stopped smoking cigarettes six years go.
I eat them now.
@kdelune666 Ugh having a body is so uncomfortable
@shitheadsteve__ 10 year old me preparing to tell my mom at 9pm I need glue and construction paper for my project due tomorrow.
@ThisOneSayz Wanna delight in the fact that you’ve been tricking the kids by using white instead of black pepper so they won’t complain that dinner is “too spicy”?
THEN DON’T TELL YOUR HUSBAND WHAT YOU DID!
@UnFitz Why are mobs always “angry mobs”?
Where are all the relaxed mobs and contented mobs and mildly pleasant mobs?
@bartandsoul Welcome to middle age.
Only one nostril works
@bartandsoul Welcome to middle age.
Only one nostril works