@thega1nz When she checks her bank statement and go “what are these PlayStation Network charges”
@thega1nz 
@sexbreakfast365 *First day as a police officer*
Me: Sir, your son’s been either incarcerated or incinerated… *flips pad* Does that look like an A to you?
@ddsmidt My husband: *Takes a deep breath and exhales*
Me: What’s THAT supposed to mean??!
@mrandrewm Proud to announce I’ve made Forbes’ “7 Billion under 7 Billion” this year
@mahnamematt Wife to 4yo: How did you get your shirt so dirty?!
4yo: Because lunch.
@smiles_and_nods Husband: Don’t tell me they forgot my fries again! How does that keep happening?
Me (swallowing quickly ): Weird, right?
@HasbullaHive 
@chairkeyre When you can’t find your friend Neil
@whatevegoeshere “Mmm, tastes just like chicken!”
-My 6 year old eating a piece of chicken
@JenMsft “Did you get that thing done I asked you for?”
