@Arroia

Yelling “give me back my panties, you pervert” at joggers is a surprisingly effective way of encouraging them to run faster.

@Arroia

Whatever, Batman. You may call it the Batcave, but that doesn’t change the fact you still live in your parents’ basement.

@Arroia

If I ever get pregnant, I’m dying my hair green & getting more tattoos, so when the kid rebels he’ll go to a good college & become a doctor.

@Arroia

Body language tells us a lot about people. For example, my neighbor really doesn’t like to be held underwater for more than 2 minutes.

@Arroia

Your baby might be adorable, but so is my cat and she cleans her own butt.