@ClassicMegan

Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.

@ClassicMegan

If I were a waitress, I’d be planting fake engagement rings in every girl’s food, just to see their boyfriends panic.

@ClassicMegan

If you don’t open your mouth when you yawn, you’re a monster. I’m serious. Let that demon go. You’re freaking everybody out.