@ScottLinnen

Two ladybugs landed on me so I gay-married them, and now we’re being picketed by Westboro Baptist praying mantises.

@ScottLinnen

Went on ChristianMingle .com and kept asking myself, “Who Would Jesus Do”?

@ScottLinnen

Have a friend who takes pics of her food and then goes to the restroom to delete them all. Instagramorexia Nervosa.

@ScottLinnen

Got bucked off my high horse. Now I only have contusions of grandeur.

@ScottLinnen

Always keep an axe by the front door so I can give the other Jehovah something awesome to witness.