@jakegarv3

If you are farther than me in candy crush I will automatically think you are smarter than me.

@jakegarv3

A guy in Hawaii survived a shark attack while surfing by punching the shark in the face and I get scared to take a shower if I see a spider.

@jakegarv3

An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough

@jakegarv3

Make fun of Kim Kardashian’s name choice for North West if you want, but that baby is going straight up. And slightly to the left.