Cant believe they scheduled work at my 9-5 job the day after I decided to get drunk on a Wednesday I am appalled
me, standing over a dead body with a scalpel: this is fun isn’t it?
coworker: um. this just isn’t what I had in mind when you asked me to open mike night
math teacher: I said to bring your protractor to class
boy with cowboy hat: I’m just a good old fashioned country boy, I ain’t need nothin fancy, this simple tractor should do the job just fine ma’am
Neighbor: hey just so you know I invited Dan to the dinner party!
Me: cannibal Dan or Dan who can’t spell?
[Text from Dan] I can’t wait to meat your friend tonight!
Neighbor: yeah I’m not sure