@sundaecone888

Me, sets my alarm for 6.30 am.
My brain: I will start to sleep at exactly 6.30 am.

@sundaecone888

Me to Gonzo: Stop chasing after her! She’s toxic!
Gonzo: You don’t even know her, Mom!
Me: Well, I know she’s a toad.

@sundaecone888

People commenting on celebrities posting makeup-free selfies: “Empowering queen!”
Me, posting a makeup-free selfie: “Rough night? Need a hug?”

@sundaecone888

Missing those days when “hemorrhoids” was just a challenging word to spell.