Mom: why are your eyes dilated
Me: your eyes dilate up to 45% when you look at something you love
Mom: what were you looking at
Me: memes
What idiot named her Miley Cyrus’ grandma and not Nana Montana.
*proposes to girlfriend*
*accidentally drops ring in the street*
“I’ll still marry you”
Sorry, I’m married to the streets now
“Avocado Kedavra”
-Harry Potter before tuning his enemies into guacamole