@9to5Life

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“My kids are being jerks.”

“Hey, Christian, you can’t keep calling here.”

“Are you gonna send help?”

“…”

@9to5Life

I hate when people text me “what are you doing?” at 1:00 pm on a weekday.

Well I don’t have your Art History degree, so probably “working”.

@9to5Life

Megan, but with an H? Whatever you say, girls named Hmegan.

@9to5Life

Oh great. I forgot to pack an apple in my lunch and now there’s doctors EVERYWHERE.

@9to5Life

If I tell you I’m running 10 minutes behind, that means 10 minutes later than normal. So, 20 minutes-ish.