@weinerdog4life I’m gonna hug you in the face with this brick.
@9to5Life If I tell you I’m running 10 minutes behind, that means 10 minutes later than normal. So, 20 minutes-ish.
You Might Also Like
@weinerdog4life 
@SCbchbum Dumped girl on The Bachelor: “What’s wrong with me?”
Well, Lindsay, you’re on a TV show to find a husband. What ISN’T wrong with you?
@SamGrittner I’ve honestly never been more disappointed in life than when I found out that the Miami Dolphin football team was made up entirely of people
@MrSandeepP I dont’t want to die a virgin because that means I’ll have to have sex with terrorists.
@_wangwe I don’t think the milf next door watches enough porn. She asked for help with her sink. It’s been 20 minutes, we’re still fixing the sink.
@elwaytotheend 10 bucks says when Dora grows up, she’s gonna be a drug mule.
@Jandalize My daughter’s boyfriend left his wallet here. I put girls names & numbers in it. Later today I’ll ask my daughter if he has change for a $20
@daemonic3 Top causes of divorce:
1. Finances
2. Infidelity
3. Unmet expectations
4. Growing apart
5. Tandem bikes
@PinchSuckBlow When they say “all expenses paid” does that include bail?
@yaokingofrock things to call your girlfriend:
sugar
honey
flour
egg
salt
butter
stir thoroughly
pour into pan
preheat oven to 350
bake for 15min
enjoy