@dumbbeezie

Laura Dern was born 35, she was 35 in Jurassic Park and she’s still 35 today

@dumbbeezie

He asked me to do something freaky in the bedroom so I stayed awake for two days

@dumbbeezie

If you try to teach me a lesson I will flunk on purpose, how dare you

@dumbbeezie

Why does body wash have directions, it’s literally the name

@dumbbeezie

Job interviews be like what’s your biggest weakness, ummm I don’t have a job bro

@dumbbeezie

Sure Romeo & Juliet is a great love story but have you heard Sk8er Boi?

@dumbbeezie

Pete Davidson always knows what’s different about you when you ask