I hate when all the silverware is dirty and I’m down to using the giant decorative fork that hangs on the wall.
My son, 15, DOES NOT KNOW the name of the street we’ve lived on for 7 years. We are taking him to the vet to get micro-chipped.
Subway only exists because we’re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together.
“Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here’s $8.”
Oohh, you play bass, as in the guitar. I thought you played bass, like the fish. I would’ve paid to see that.