@mxmclain I almost slept through the whole thing
*best day ever*
@mxmclain @mxmclain Goats that intimidate others are bully goats
@mxmclain Waiting in line for a bathroom stall that was empty the entire time is not even the most embarrassing thing I’ve done today
I was first in line
@mxmclain You are more likely to die in a plain crash than a fancy crash
@mxmclain Told my kid it was time for a screen break and you’d think I asked for both of his kidneys
@mxmclain I get it cicadas I need to scream for a month too
@mxmclain The only time I’m not excited to see a dog when I have drugs on me at the airport
@mxmclain Logically the best time to kick someone is when they are down
@mxmclain me: *finds new bruise*
brain: press it
@mxmclain Me: Gets something in eye
Brain: Quick stick your finger in there too