@mxmclain

My husband would need to live to be 200 to finish all the things he said he “was GOING to do”

@mxmclain

There is no bond greater than the one between a Tupperware container and marinara sauce

@mxmclain

Somebody better tell me what extortion means or I am going to start breaking kneecaps

@mxmclain

We didn’t need tutors when I was a kid, we just cheated

@mxmclain

When I was pregnant and people would ask where I was registered I’d reply:
Pet Smart, we’re crate training this one

@mxmclain

When I say “let me think about that” it means I’m gonna ask someone smarter than me

@mxmclain

Pregnancies really fly by when they are someone else’s

@mxmclain

A backlit photo is a fun way to find out that you need to start plucking your chin