@robyn_vo

Remember being a kid and writing “FiretrUCK” everywhere, thinking your parents wouldn’t get it? My dad just figured it out and spanked me 🙁

@robyn_vo

According to my cousin’s diploma, he graduated from an “Institute of Fine Farts” because I just made an adjustment to it with a sharpie.

@robyn_vo

People who say their migraine is going to be the death of them are totally right because I just killed a lady right after she said that.

@robyn_vo

Just saw a woman, covered in red paint, running and screaming from an abandoned country house, LOL good prank.

@robyn_vo

I don’t know why guys love anal. My ass is an exit only. Unless I’m drunk. Or he’s rich. Or cute. Or has all his teeth.

@robyn_vo

I once put a cigarette out on someone’s arm for telling me that we didn’t evolve from giant centipedes. I graduated college, I know things.

@robyn_vo

I’m getting to the age where I have to drink milk to strengthen my bones or I could die if someone shoots me in the face.

@robyn_vo

I steal babies, run 20 feet, turn around and hand them back to their mothers and say “Just jokin!”