Priest: Body of Christ..
Gordon Ramsay: Dry.
Sometimes I think I have indigestion and gas but then I remember that Jesus lives inside us all.
I use the incognito browser to search how to do the things I told my wife I know how to do
*First day as a police officer*
Me: Sir, your son’s been either incarcerated or incinerated… *flips pad* Does that look like an A to you?
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Attack while they’re distracted.
*Me, accidentally knocking kitchen knife off counter*
My foot: I’LL GET IT
My brain: NO YOU IDIOT
If you’re having a bad day just remember, somewhere in the world someone’s telling their parents they’re a life coach