When my nudes go to the cloud I always hope God is impressed.
I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!
Hate when I zone out while someone’s talking to me and they have the nerve to ask me a question like I’m in 5th grade and they’re a teacher.
Before you contemplate starting an argument with me just know I’ll be removing my pants and underwear for maximum effect.
Yelling “spider” during sex does not make him pull out. I know this now.