my mom: fix this for me
also my mom: no, not like that
still my mom: it’s not working
mom: wait it is now
Gonna start saying “that’s what they want you to believe” whenever anyone disagrees with me
my date last night:
– tried really hard to get me to go home with him
– accidentally spilled his milkshake in my car
– left me to clean it up
– texted me this morning that he’s getting back together with his exdating is fun, you guys
#katesdates
I don’t steal the blankets. Gravity is just heavier on my side of the bed
If I’m at your house and you’ve got a grocery list on the fridge, I’m adding stuff to it and not telling you
what if mayonnaise was like peanut butter and either creamy or crunchy
My Quarantine Routine:
8:30 get woken up by dogs
8:40 let dogs out
8:52 let dogs in
11:51 let dogs out
12:20 let dogs in
4:47 let dogs out
4:59 let dogs in
7:14 let dogs out
7:38 let dogs in
8:16 let dogs out
8:18 let dogs in
10:20 let dogs out
10:25 let dogs in
Me: *points at romantic relationships*
God: *slaps my hand* NO
[walking somewhere]
My cat: I’M GOING TO GET THERE FIRST!!