This guy’s not having it 😆
The guy who spelled pneumonia pknew pnothing
Of course I support real issues.
I donate hundreds of dollars to the Girl Scouts every year for the ‘No Cookie Left Uneaten’, movement
Coworker: Guess what I’m doing this weekend.
Can I have the definition, please?
So, lemme get this straight…
Scooby-Doo can talk and help solve murders, but can’t go to the store and buy himself Scooby snacks??
The inventor of the tampon liked it, so he put a string on it
Ask your doctor if asking your wife what she did all day is right for you
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Cuz saying ‘pulled me under’ sounds weird??
When I’m depressed I like listening to Alanis Morupset
Turns out pizza has everything I’m looking for in a woman
Me: I hurt my back really bad
Me: I woke up
Waiter: Hi, would u like to start off with an appetizer?
Me: I’m gonna wait until my date arrives
W: Sir, it’s been 3 hours
Her: I’m a vegan
Me: [*trying to impress her] People hate me too
My neighbor told me I should start living my dreams so I had sex with his wife