@PopeAwesomeXIII Life Hack: Get a dog and a cat and name them Resident and Occupant. Now that junkmail isn’t annoying, it’s adorable.
@PopeAwesomeXIII @PopeAwesomeXIII Me: This week was long as shit, I’m exhausted, I have nothing to tweet.
*one minute after turning out light*
My brain: The fictional reality the super-rich have created for themselves is the Yacht Matrix.
@PopeAwesomeXIII Considering both Bruce Wayne’s parents died and he used his inheritance to become Batman we should kill other billionaires and see what other cool shit we get
@PopeAwesomeXIII Them: Do any vampires die in this movie?
Me: No it’s pretty low stakes.
@PopeAwesomeXIII We’ve seen a guy in a hockey mask with a machete, we’ve seen a dude put knives on his glove, but how is there no horror movie about a tiny flying baby with a bow and arrow, that shit sounds terrifying.
@PopeAwesomeXIII Firefighter: We have reports of a large fire??
Starbucks employee:
Firefighter: *audible sigh* Can you direct me to the VENTI fire?
@PopeAwesomeXIII The fact that there’s gonna be a Joker 2 just means Batman isn’t doing his god damn job
@PopeAwesomeXIII I just hope Matrix Resurrections ends with Neo teaching Agent Smith the true meaning of Christmas.
@PopeAwesomeXIII Frodo: Holy crap, I’ve never seen anyone fight like that! How did you get so good?
Legolas: (thinking back to when Santa wouldn’t pay for his health care) … Dragons.