@devonellis_

What if all countries have ninjas, and we only know about the Asian ones because they suck?

@devonellis_

I wonder how long it will be before “You look like a million bucks” is an insult. #inflation

@devonellis_

Is there a hand sanitizer out there that can kill the 0.01% germ?

@devonellis_

Make sure you tip your exorcist or else you can get repossessed.

@devonellis_

If Pringles really wanted the fun to never stop they’d make those tube things like 5 feet long.

@devonellis_

How awkward would it have been for coach if he put in Air Bud and they lost.

@devonellis_

Taco Bell doesn’t have a playground because kids that eat Taco Bell can’t climb, or run.

@devonellis_

I’ll be buried in a spring-loaded coffin stuffed w/ tons of confetti. In the future some archeologist is gonna have an awesome day at work.