@itsmebeegee07

Kids insults are great. My youngest told my oldest “If your clothes were any tighter, you’d look like a wiener dog”

@itsmebeegee07

My sister in law got my daughter a doll that sings and blows bubbles and I can’t wait for revenge. I mean my niece’s birthday.

@itsmebeegee07

My son and daughter were just arguing, and as she was walking away he yelled at her “I HOPE BOTH SIDES OF YOUR PILLOW ARE WARM TONIGHT!”

@itsmebeegee07

Jacob Marley: You will be haunted, by three spirits

Me: Ok, like that’s any worse than being haunted by the stupid thing I said in science class back in 2000.

@itsmebeegee07

Gave myself a steam facial* today

*opened a bag of freshly popped popcorn too close to my face

@itsmebeegee07

Thoughts and prayers for my 17 year old. Nothing’s wrong with her. She’s just mad that she has to put gas in her own car on a cold day.