Everyone is worried that technology will corrupt our youth, but I had unrestricted access to the internet and cable tv as a kid and I turned out absolutely awful.
Dash light: “0 miles to empty.”
Have kids they said, they definitely won’t lose your right AirPod in the yard and run it over with the lawn mower they said.
“You do you” is the nicest way to call someone an idiot.
I found an old avocado under the seat of my truck yesterday. It was guacamoldy.
*pokes head out of dressing room*
uh yeah, i can’t find a single bottle of ranch in here