@badbanana

Hundreds of creepy clowns terrorizing people across multiple states. On the bright side, they can all be picked up in one police car.

@badbanana

Since they won’t vote anyway, Obama should make the GOP look bad by nominating a bald eagle holding a picture of Jesus to the Supreme Court.

@badbanana

Donald Trump says he’ll open up secret 9/11 files. Miley Cyrus says she’ll flee the country if Trump is elected. Connect the dots, people.

@badbanana

What does stormtrooper armor protect against, exactly? Knives?

@badbanana

I relate to #PizzaRat because if I found a slice of pizza as big as a car you can bet I’d try my best to take that thing home.

@badbanana

Fun game: Order food to be delivered to your mobile home and then lead the delivery driver on a high-speed chase through town.

@badbanana

When I want something a little healthier than an ice cream sandwich, I usually go for an ice cream salad.

@badbanana

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un got married. Proving there’s someone for every un.

@badbanana

Just realized I only had one meal today. One, thirteen-hour meal.

@badbanana

I cried because my Wi-Fi was slow until I saw a guy stuck talking with his kids because he had no internet at all.