I’m a kid at heart, an old man at my joints and dead at the pancreas
I don’t think I can manage sugar daddy but I could probably scrape together a carb uncle
my new hobby
creating totally reasonable units that somehow upset people
– kiloLiters
– megameters
– milliinches
it’s weird that a librarian and a book-keeper are different things
Me: must sleep in the correct position on a mattress with the exact right hardness or suffer for 48 hours
cats:
“you are what you eat”
i don’t remember eating a handsome genius but ok
This is meant to give your cat a seat at the table but it could totally be a whack-a-mole game instead
Adoption agency: so did you have any specific ideas of who you want to adopt? Age? Gender?
Dave Seville: do you have three anthropomorphic chipmunks?
Teacher: *carrying basket full of massive fruit* good morning, class. Today we will be working in pears
I love greens, but not in a sexual way
Platonic salads, so to speak
Me: Do you like my novel?
Publisher: it’s a tree
Me: I told you it was in the early stages
Penelope wasn’t really GREAT at hide and seek, but we always appreciated her efforts