Leap years mean nothing when you have bad knees.
I don’t care what anyone says, “catlike indifference” is a compliment.
If someone shows up at my house unannounced, I won’t open the door.
I just stand on the other side of the glass shaking my head no.
A lady posted her grandmother’s brownie recipe, so I tried making them. Turns out her grandma was a terrible cook
When you call home on a holiday and get passed around, it’s worse than being included on a group text.
My dentist told me to relax, then got all judgey about me uncorking my wine in his office. He needs to make up his mind.
*Feels the cool breeze caressing my skin*
Cool breeze: I have a girlfriend
Remember don’t judge, you never know what another person is going through
Unless they’re constantly oversharing on Facebook, then go ahead
My mother-in-law said “just do what you normally do” when she came to stay with us. Not going to lie, naked Saturday was a little awkward.