@fluffysuse

If it’s the thought that counts, I’m a serial killer

@fluffysuse

Parenting is 10% knowing you would kill for your children and 90% suppressing the urge to kill them.

@fluffysuse

Thank you. I am completely satisfied by your explanation and have no further questions.

– No child ever.

@fluffysuse

There are three types of people:

1. Annoying people
2. Annoying people I am sleeping with
3. People I haven’t met

@fluffysuse

Just received an email listing 5 ways to prevent divorce. ‘Don’t get married’ wasn’t on there. Or ‘murder.’ Stupid list.

@fluffysuse

When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother what will I be. Will I be pretty, will I be rich? Here’s what she said to me:
GO TO SLEEP.

@fluffysuse

My ex just asked if I want to go on holiday with him and my ex mother-in-law and now I don’t need Twitter because I will never stop laughing

@fluffysuse

Oh, you have ‘haterz.’

Congratulations. I have lovers. And the ability to spell.

@fluffysuse

Falling in love makes you do stupid things. Once I even got married.