@iheartgunts Phil Collins’ “In The Air Tonight” is the best ever song about a silent but deadly fart.
@iheartgunts @iheartgunts I’m actually kind of handsome when you’re drunk and the light is low and there’s no other dudes around and you have low standards.
@iheartgunts When an unattractive woman in a bar asks me my sign I tell her “Stop.”
@iheartgunts It started with a star and ended with a restraining order.