Me as a bachelor contestant: “you’re not talking to any other girls, right?”
I wonder how Abraham Lincoln would feel if he knew he and Shakira’s hips have the same reputation
If Titanic happened now Rose would ask Jack to film her like one of his onlyfans girls
We need to drop all our differences and unite against our common enemy: mercury in retrograde
I admire my phone for not working when it gets too hot. I, too, sometimes feel that I’m so hot I shouldn’t have to work
I’m already putting money away for the my future child’s therapy because I know they’ll be emotionally scarred from having their friends always comment on how hot their mom is
I like older men because their sense of humour was shaped before Family Guy was popular