Every time I see someone getting a mud bath I assume they’re hiding from The Predator.
Save on property taxes by putting your house legally in the name of that bag of peas in the freezer.
Babies won’t eat food unless they think it’s an airplane because all humans are born believing they’re godzilla.
1% milk was invented when someone poured regular milk into a glass that still had water in it and they were too ashamed to admit their mistake.
[washing my hands in the blood of my enemies] *counting to 20 in my head*
Just saw a squirrel wipe down a peanut he took from my hand.