@AnOrangeSNES

Facebook should figure out a way to make baby pictures into a renewable source of energy because then we would never have to worry again

@AnOrangeSNES

Yes, my name is Kirk
Yes, my parents were Star Trek fans
Yes, I never heard these questions before
Yes, you are good at icebreakers

@AnOrangeSNES

Galactus is about to eat our solar system when he flips over the label

WARNING: CONTAINS MERCURY

“No thanks, I’ll eat something else.”

@AnOrangeSNES

Me to me: I’m pretty garbage

Someone complimenting me: You’re so great
Me: You’re absolutely wrong

Someone insulting me: You suck
Me: Listen here you little shit I’m amazing

@AnOrangeSNES

Beyoncé: Who run the world?
Me: Oligarchs?
Beyoncé: This really changes my song

@AnOrangeSNES

“Murder most fowl!” I scream as the cops pull me away from the many duck corpses. They explain I misunderstood Hamlet while arresting me.

@AnOrangeSNES

[first date]
{don’t let him know you’re a psychic}
{don’t let her know you’re a psychic}
{we’re both psychic?}
{yeah}
{cool let’s bang}
{k}