Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
I like to sneak a donut into the salad bar so everyone will ask, “WAIT, THERE’S DONUTS?” and I say, “Sorry, last one!” and then eat it.
I’m helping the sharks celebrate their big week by throwing cats into the ocean.
If you lead a horse to pretzels and then to water, he will definitely drink.
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80’s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.
I don’t understand why my coworkers always complain when I microwave my favorite meal: curry salmon stuffed with burnt popcorn.
My grandma accidentally swallowed a fly. Feeding her a spider now…
Taught a man how to BUY fish. So much easier.
We reach out to meet each other half way, filling the vast void between us. We yearn to become as one.” – A poem by my eyebrows
The real danger of running with scissors is that a rock might fall on you.