My grandma was so poor she only left me recipes for pasta dishes in her will, you could say she was my..
*golf swings*
Pennefactor.
All squirrels fly when you own a T-shirt cannon.
I don’t want to sound like an alarmist but
Wooooop Wooooop
Rearrearrearrear
Booloo Booloo Booloo
Weeuuuweeuuuweeuuu
Beeep Beeep Beeep Beeep
According to this bathroom stall, my ex changed her number again.
I always wonder what the nurses reaction was like after I leave a half eaten sandwich in a coma patients hand.
Nuff said? No seriously, what did Nuff say?
*attaches canes horizontally to dozens of old man walkers
*watches slowest jousting match ever
An octopus should have eightacles, not ten.
When I die, I want my decaying carcass to be loaded into a giant slingshot and flung into a rich kids bouncy castle.
Goal as a white guy
1)Pay taxes
2)Never say anything that may come across as racist
3)Find something clever to do with my arms when I dance.