@DurtMcHurtt

Firefighters should carry around water pistols like cops carry guns.

@DurtMcHurtt

For a place called a “holding cell” people sure hate to cuddle.

@DurtMcHurtt

FOOTBALL COACH: *drawing up a play using Xs and Os* ..any questions?

ME: are we the hugs or the kisses?

@DurtMcHurtt

Shorty got
⚪️ low
⚪️ low
⚪️ low
⚪️ low
⚪️ low
⚪️ low
⚪️ low
⚪️ low
🔘 all of the above

@DurtMcHurtt

There should be a guy with a leaf blower to dry my hands in the washroom at Home Depot.

@DurtMcHurtt

[looking for our lost son in the mall]

ME: we should split up and find him

WIFE: *serves me with divorce papers*