[looking for our lost son in the mall]
ME: we should split up and find him
WIFE: *serves me with divorce papers*
I bet the worst part about being a birthday cake is when you’re set on fire, and then eaten by the hero that saved you.
*attaches canes horizontally to dozens of old man walkers
*watches slowest jousting match ever
An octopus should have eightacles, not ten.
When I die, I want my decaying carcass to be loaded into a giant slingshot and flung into a rich kids bouncy castle.
Goal as a white guy
2)Never say anything that may come across as racist
3)Find something clever to do with my arms when I dance.