@Jarhead44

If you’re not following me and received this tweet, it’s because someone is smarter than you.

@Jarhead44

I apologize to everyone that I’ve ever offended.

Just kidding. Could you imagine?

@Jarhead44

If I win the Powerball, I’m going to make golf illegal.

@Jarhead44

My ex just followed me on Twitter.

That said:

“Say hello to Hitler for me, Mary.”

*BLOCKED*

@Jarhead44

If I can’t pronounce your name after meeting you, you will from that point forward be addressed as “bro.”

@Jarhead44

I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I’m in.