If you’re not following me and received this tweet, it’s because someone is smarter than you.
I apologize to everyone that I’ve ever offended.
Just kidding. Could you imagine?
If I win the Powerball, I’m going to make golf illegal.
My ex just followed me on Twitter.
“Say hello to Hitler for me, Mary.”
If I can’t pronounce your name after meeting you, you will from that point forward be addressed as “bro.”
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I’m in.