@Love_bug1016

sorry you tried to win an argument while i was wearing a sundress

@Love_bug1016

i got my shoelace completely entangled around the pedal of a stationary bike at the gym and had to ask a stranger to untangle me, which took a good solid 7 minutes. but sure put me down as your emergency contact

@Love_bug1016

Him: you watch too much Food Network

Me: just enjoy your artisanal bread covered in a delectable berry compote

Him: its toast and jelly

@Love_bug1016

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was attempting to take off my sports bra.

@Love_bug1016

No thanks Cupid. If I wanted butterflies and my heart skipping beats, I would do something less ridiculous like lose my phone.

@Love_bug1016

I can’t do this. I think I’m dying. Why does your face look like a donut?

~ me 30 minutes into dieting

@Love_bug1016

What, I’m Asian?

*slides off Uggs & infinity scarf inside Starbucks*

*buys a bonsai tree*

@Love_bug1016

If only the workout your thumbs get from scrolling on your phone would go to your abs.

@Love_bug1016

And then Satan said, “save time ~ respond to her text with a K.”