@RiotGrlErin a wizard dating app called bumbledore
@RiotGrlErin 
@RiotGrlErin if dolly were in the holy bible she’d be in charge of parton the red seas.
@RiotGrlErin frodo threw my serotonin into mount doom.
@RiotGrlErin most villains can be defeeted with a simple bone saw.
@RiotGrlErin i won’t rest until we get a netflix category where we can be on our phones and still understand the plot.
@RiotGrlErin like a moth to a flame or a human to a refrigerator light bulb.
@RiotGrlErin my friend’s kid asked me if i had any games on phone so i let her text my ex.
@RiotGrlErin me [kidnapped]: do you know how horses are compensated for their work
captor: i don’t care
me: they get paid under the stable
captor: let her go we don’t deserve this kind of trauma
@RiotGrlErin wordle is just figuring out who to put in the bunkers during the apocalypse so humans can start procreating after.
@RiotGrlErin i wear corduroys on every flight so that if we crash these thicc thighs can create the fire we need to survive.