a wizard dating app called bumbledore
if dolly were in the holy bible she’d be in charge of parton the red seas.
frodo threw my serotonin into mount doom.
most villains can be defeeted with a simple bone saw.
i won’t rest until we get a netflix category where we can be on our phones and still understand the plot.
like a moth to a flame or a human to a refrigerator light bulb.
my friend’s kid asked me if i had any games on phone so i let her text my ex.
me [kidnapped]: do you know how horses are compensated for their work
captor: i don’t care
me: they get paid under the stable
captor: let her go we don’t deserve this kind of trauma
wordle is just figuring out who to put in the bunkers during the apocalypse so humans can start procreating after.
i wear corduroys on every flight so that if we crash these thicc thighs can create the fire we need to survive.