@RiotGrlErin

if dolly were in the holy bible she’d be in charge of parton the red seas.

@RiotGrlErin

i won’t rest until we get a netflix category where we can be on our phones and still understand the plot.

@RiotGrlErin

like a moth to a flame or a human to a refrigerator light bulb.

@RiotGrlErin

my friend’s kid asked me if i had any games on phone so i let her text my ex.

@RiotGrlErin

me [kidnapped]: do you know how horses are compensated for their work

captor: i don’t care

me: they get paid under the stable

captor: let her go we don’t deserve this kind of trauma

@RiotGrlErin

wordle is just figuring out who to put in the bunkers during the apocalypse so humans can start procreating after.

@RiotGrlErin

i wear corduroys on every flight so that if we crash these thicc thighs can create the fire we need to survive.