@That_Damn_Duck

My 2022 Resolutions:

1. Don’t die

2. Race a sloth

3. Develop new trust issues

4. Offend more people by being myself

5. Don’t use hashtags

6. Keep tweeting crap like this

@That_Damn_Duck

Imagine owning a dragon…now set yourself on fire, because that’s what it would be like to own a dragon.

Idiots

@That_Damn_Duck

A coworker gave me an invitation to her wedding in case you were wondering why this paper airplane I’m making has lace on it.

@That_Damn_Duck

Instead of saying you lost your eyesight due to an explosion while you were making meth, just tell people that you were blinded by science.

@That_Damn_Duck

She didn’t understand so I took her hands & looked in her eyes & said “I know this is a Starbucks but I just want plain black coffee idiot.”

@That_Damn_Duck

I’ve never once used the “C word” in a tweet but I will now!!!!

Cookie.

There, happy now? You cunts.

@That_Damn_Duck

I love it when people throw out those inspirational tweets like ‘live life to the fullest’ after they’ve spent the entire day on Twitter.